Ex Bradford City quintet move on

[DutchBantam]

http://www.bradford.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=80235


Comments please on the article. Does it look fine? Is it interesting/ educational? Good style of writing? Flow well? Correct grammar and spelling?

Or is it just a bag of shite?

All (constructive) criticism welcome.

This is my first article for Vital Football so I'm just hoping it comes over ok. If it doesn't I can always blame the lager (mmmmm Amstel)... but really, I'm hoping to do Wellers proud and not let him down.

[Superfatbantam]

Good article Dutch. It will come with time but you might want to expand on some sentences. For example say...."Brown, who has been pushing for a place in the first team at City for 2 years now, has taken a chance with Park Avenue, whose manager said of the move...."....." etc. Just linking sentences together so it reads a bit easier, read Simon PArker's column and you'll get the idea! You'll also learn to rate **** players more than they deserve! ;)

Good effort though, do you need a media whore to do any interviews for you? I'm available! tup:

[DutchBantam]

Then there's also this one (which was done a few beers before the top one so should be even crapper):

http://www.bradford.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=80233

[DutchBantam]

Good article Dutch. It will come with time but you might want to expand on some sentences. For example say...."Brown, who has been pushing for a place in the first team at City for 2 years now, has taken a chance with Park Avenue, whose manager said of the move...."....." etc. Just linking sentences together so it reads a bit easier, read Simon PArker's column and you'll get the idea! You'll also learn to rate **** players more than they deserve! ;)

Good effort though, do you need a media whore to do any interviews for you? I'm available! tup:

Hey, nice one fats, good advice. Normally I try and re-read my stuff way too many times before publishing but in this case a few beers and just the nervousness of publishing my first Vital article means I haven't had too clear a read.
Having said that I'd not have thought of your suggestion so it's definately something to work on. Thanks.

As for a media whore... I'm going for the youngsters (as can be seen in the second link in this thread) and Wellers is going for the old duffers. I'm sure we'll both happily take any help you can offer!

[Superfatbantam]

Then there's also this one (which was done a few beers before the top one so should be even crapper):

http://www.bradford.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=80233

That's a better one as an introduction. How are you doing interviews from Holland?

[DutchBantam]

That's a better one as an introduction. How are you doing interviews from Holland?

Email/MSN/MySpace !!! It'll serve it's purpose I hope...

[baldbantam]

They read fine to me Dutch, and I'm sure you'll develop your skills with further experience. Good luck with it.

[DutchBantam]

Thanks guys.

[wellers]

tup: :)

[DutchBantam]

Something tells me I've been plagiarised already jawdrop:

http://www.nonleaguedaily.com/news/index.php?newsmode=FULL&nid=44571

That is a real honour jump:

[wellers]

you going to have word about that?

it's not horrendous as far as plagiarism goes but it is a bit lazy of 'em!

[DutchBantam]

you going to have word about that?

it's not horrendous as far as plagiarism goes but it is a bit lazy of 'em!

Nah, not bad enough to complain about. Blatant copy and edit but I'll take it as a compliment.